A Little About Me
Learn from the darkness. Do not become it...
Look. Listen. Realise.
I’m Jami – as in Jammy Dodger, not Jamie.
Yes, I realise most folk don’t read this, especially if it’s more than 100 words, but it’s here anyway.
Art and writing weren’t what I originally set out to do. Back in the day, I wanted to be a performer. Musical Theatre was my area of focus and I seemed to be somewhat comfortably on my way with it. Just as I was starting uni I had a bit of a health setback, something I thought would merely delay things, but as time has got on and my ailments have “progressed” I realise that the life I had envisioned is over. And that’s ok.
Without going into War & Peace about it, I have a rare disease that affects pretty much every part of my body, and as time has passed the medication used to treat it has brought other irreversible problems. Some symptoms I suffer include chronic fatigue, migraines, confusion and memory loss, joint paint, skin lesions, various ulcers, nerve problems and many other things (see the links at the bottom if you’re curious). Most recently, a combination of these conditions and their treatments have fucked with my renal system and somehow managed to completely cripple my mental state in a way I’ve never experienced.
To put these issues into context, it makes daily life very unpredictable. Some days I can feel close to normal, whilst others render me totally unable to function and carry out even basic day-to-day tasks. As much as I miss my performance days, the reality is that I’m no longer physically able to keep up with the demands of such a career. Also, I don’t always remember what I did yesterday, so I’d have no hope in hell of learning any lines.
This is where art and writing came back into the picture.
Both crafts had always been something I loved and did well in at school. Expression has always been important to me, but during my younger years I was quiet and reserved, which is how art and writing became my main outlets. As I got older I found enough comfort in myself that took me into performing, leaving them to fall onto the back burner. Years went by without them, but when my health had begun to deteriorate they had snuck back into my life and I came to rely on them. By the time I was at uni again I seemed to be painting and writing more than anything else, at which stage I knew this was a future that was within my means.
Originally, my intention for this website was commercial. I would mostly offer commissions and complete artworks that meant nothing to me purely for financial reward; after all, people of varying skill levels are able to do this successfully provided they follow a certain method. Whilst this has been a great way to learn some technical skills, it took the joy away. Before, I was creating because I had something to say, but having talked myself out of that I found that I had lost all joy for creativity. This is probably why I’ve had many gaps in activity, and we all know the impact has.
One way I’m trying to repair my mental collapse is through practising mindfulness, during which one thing has become clear to me; I need to create honestly, not artificially. Money may make the world go around, and I would love to be able to make a comfortable living from this, but I’ve realised that I won’t be successful at all if I’m hating what I’m doing. In saying that, feel free to cough up cash if you’re willing 😉
As of now, I’m combining my art and writing to do what I know – provoking thoughts and questions with the hope of making things better where I can. Most of what I produce will be therapy to me, and my only hope is that others with similar problems can find something in what I make to help them in some way. I don’t care if it’s a dead end. I’ve wasted too many years worrying. I need to act whilst I’m able to.
If you think it’s something you might benefit from, even just as a quiet observer, feel free to come along with me. I’m not a therapist, but I’m happy to share what little I have. I’ve looked at my life, I’ve listened to what is happening around me, and I’ve realised what I need to do now.
These links will tell you exactly how my body is falling to bits, along with one to show how I'm trying to help it 😉
Some snaps to visually stimulate you. It’s a thing, apparently 😛